Amy Rogers
Feb 5, 2025
Writing a college essay is one of the most daunting parts of the application process. But the truth is, a great essay can set you apart, showing admissions officers who you are beyond grades and test scores. To inspire your writing, here are real-sounding essay excerpts from students who earned spots at top-tier schools (yes, even Ivy Leagues). Let’s explore what made their stories compelling—and what you can learn from them.
Example 1: Turning a Quirk into a Strength
Student Accepted to Yale University
"Every morning, I make toast. Not just any toast—artistic toast. A self-portrait in strawberry jam, a sunrise in peanut butter and honey, or Van Gogh’s 'Starry Night' in Nutella. It’s a ritual, one that started as a way to brighten my younger brother’s mornings but evolved into my own meditative routine. Through toast, I learned patience, creativity, and the beauty of small joys—qualities I hope to bring to my future as an architect."
Why It Works:
This essay is personal, creative, and memorable. It takes a seemingly mundane activity—making toast—and transforms it into a metaphor for the student’s creativity and thoughtfulness. Admissions officers love essays that reveal a unique side of the applicant while connecting to larger themes, like the student’s career aspirations.
Example 2: A Lesson in Resilience
Student Accepted to Harvard University
"My first piano recital was a disaster. I froze halfway through Chopin’s Nocturne, stared at the keys, and willed the ground to swallow me whole. But instead of running offstage, I took a deep breath, started again, and finished the piece—shakily, but proudly. That moment taught me that failure isn’t final; it’s an opportunity to try again. Years later, I faced the same fear before leading my school’s debate team to nationals, and once again, I learned to embrace the challenge."
Why It Works:
This essay uses a specific anecdote to showcase personal growth. The student ties an early experience to a more recent accomplishment, showing resilience and perseverance over time. It’s relatable and demonstrates how they’ll handle challenges in college.
Example 3: Finding Identity Through Family
Student Accepted to Princeton University
"Sunday afternoons at my grandmother’s house smell like fresh tortillas and sound like stories. My abuelo talks about his journey from Mexico to the U.S., his voice steady and proud. Listening to him, I realized how deeply my family’s history shapes who I am. Their sacrifices inspired me to start a mentorship program for immigrant students at my high school, helping them find their voices and share their stories. At Princeton, I hope to continue building spaces where others feel heard and valued."
Why It Works:
This essay is heartfelt and rooted in cultural identity. By connecting their personal history to their actions and aspirations, the student creates a narrative that’s both meaningful and forward-looking. Admissions officers value essays that tie past experiences to future goals.
What You Can Learn from These Examples
Start with a Hook: Each essay grabs the reader’s attention with a vivid image or surprising detail.
Be Specific: Generic statements like “I’m hardworking” don’t resonate. Instead, show your qualities through stories and actions.
Make It Personal: These essays reveal the students’ unique identities, passions, and perspectives.
Reflect: It’s not just about what you did—it’s about what you learned and how it shaped you.
How BrightRoom.ai Can Help
Crafting a personal statement that truly represents you isn’t easy, but you don’t have to do it alone. At BrightRoom.ai, we help you brainstorm, refine, and polish your essay so that your story stands out. With our guidance, you’ll be equipped to write an essay as authentic and compelling as the examples above—one that highlights the best of who you are.
